Hello, Goodbye

The interns! Back Row: Tate, David, Kevin, Jeff. Front Row: Heidi, Sean, Jodie, Alan, me, Patsy. 

I'm writing this final post while sitting on the windowsill of my new apartment at Dordt, listening to Ben Howard's "Old Pine," one of the many songs from my summer in KC (I'd highly recommend it!). I arrived in northwest Iowa on Tuesday afternoon and have jumped right into my internship with Sioux Center Christian School. Before that, I had a week at home to unpack, re-pack, reconnect with family and friends, and welcome a new sister -- Francisca, a beautiful seventeen-year-old from Portugal who will spend the year with my family.

The last week and a half of the internship went quickly. During our four-day trip to the Ozarks, all ten interns and three of the staff stayed together in one condo. Thankfully, the woman on the floor below us only had to tell us once to keep the noise down! That week we cemented many of the relationships that we had been building all summer. Living in close quarters for four days also reminded me of the importance of alone time  -- no matter how much I love those I'm with!

The last four days of our internship were focused on final teachings and preparation for the transition out of this community and into college. I especially appreciate these teachings on transitions now that I am going through one. Jean reminded us that change happens in an instant, but transitions (to be comfortable in the change) can take much, much longer. And during this time of transition -- even if it is an essentially happy one, such as the transition from single to married life -- our emotions, motivations, and routines can be very unstable as we mourn what we are loosing, look forward to what we are gaining, and try to reconcile the too. Though this time is unsettling, we must allow it to happen, as in it we truly embrace both the past and the future without demonizing or idealizing one or the other.

I have been experiencing the unsettling feelings of transition as I try to figure out how to fit together my summer and my school year. It's not going to be easy. But before I left Kansas City, God quietly but deeply reminded me of the truth that Jesus is my very good Shepherd. He is the only one who knows everything about us, and He leads us through different pastures according to His love and knowledge of our hearts. For a season, Jesus lead me to Kansas City and Ascent Ministries. He allowed me to explore the good things He had for me in that place -- deep peace, loving community, an awareness of His presence. Now He has shown me to the gate and asked me to follow Him to the next phase of our journey. Because I trust Him, I follow, knowing that He will lead me always into deeper reliance on His love.

My final prayer request for you all is that God would continue to pour His Spirit onto the staff and work of Ascent Ministries and HopeFaith Ministries as they seek to spread His kingdom in Kansas City. And also that the Spirit would give me the ability to allow Jesus to Shepherd me in the way that He chooses, throughout this school year and into whatever lies after graduation in May.

Your encouragement and prayers are powerful, brothers and sisters! "I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

May God bless you as you continue to follow the Shepherd!
In Him,
Alex

Ending Blessings and Lessons

From left to right, some of the people we love from Hope Faith: Bryan (staff pastor), Donna (office assistant), Jim (IT guy and our boss), me, in front Andre (head of security and client services), Dwight (in charge of the warehouse), Sean, Jodie, and Doug (construction)

Yesterday was an important day down here -- a day of endings. We began the morning with a five mile run, the last of our running challenges for the summer. We had to start at 5:30, before even the sun was awake, in order to finish and get to service without being too terribly late. The run started at our house and included a beautiful three mile loop on a bike trail through the woods. Patsy and I ran together and had a great time enjoying the beauty of the morning together. And we were super pumped to say that we did the whole 5 miles without walking!

After running we headed back to shower and get ready for our lasts days at our service sites. It was hard to know how to feel -- sad that we're leaving, or glad for the experience? My internal confusion was evident in my very absent-minded driving that morning. Thankfully, Jodie was in front and kept us from any major accidents.

Our last day at Hope Faith was definitely blessed. We took time to take a bunch of pictures with the people we had become close to and still had plenty of time to help out with a volunteer group and work in the warehouse. The end of the morning was very special for us. Jim, our boss, had us bring our trays into the conference room where some the people we worked with and connected with the most were waiting. Jim, Jesse, Dwight, Doug, Dre, Bryan, Donna, and Desire are SO busy, that just to see them all make time together with us a priority was very humbling. We shared stories for our summer and they shared what they loved about us and would miss. Our hearts were full by the end of our time there, to say the least.

Despite the blessed morning, as the afternoon went on I became more and more internally restless -- I had felt that way off and on the past couple days and didn't really want to sit down and figure out why, so I continued to put it off. That feeling carried into today until I knew I couldn't run from whatever was bothering me anymore. I went on a walk with God and realized that I was angry -- angry that I had to get so close to the other interns and then leave them. I'm the only non-Central student, and it felt really sucky to have to leave. It was good to realize this -- that even though I knew in my head that God has good plans for me and will provide what I need when I go back to Dordt, I still felt those emotions of sadness and anger in my heart. I felt prompted to take Sean up on his offer to walk and talk with me, even though I didn't know that he could really help. He and Jodie both walked with me and just listened as I expressed my frustration and my confusion about what to do about it. Jodie and I ended up sitting together on the sidewalk for awhile while I just cried and cried. Afterward, I was still sad, but I was SO comforted by the presence of a sister who was okay with my mess and my emotion. I felt so invited to just be -- whatever that meant at the time.

As the internship comes to the close, I am blessed. Blessed by the beautiful relationships I have built at Hope Faith and with the other interns, and blessed by the knowledge that these gifts are from God. He knows me, deeply. He knew that I needed to mourn the passing of this short season of my life, and He provided members of His body to invite me into that and to sit with me through it. Brothers and sisters, God is okay with your mess, and sometimes He asks you to share it and let others help you deal with it. Learning this has been one of a few hard and richly rewarding lessons of my summer in KC.

Also, an update on one of the prayer requests I posted last time. Our friend Doug, who was in charge of construction at Hope Faith and had recently been delivered from alcoholism, did have a relapse last week. We saw him drunk last Thursday, and that was a very hard day for Sean, Jodie, and I. We spent most of it crying and lifting Doug up in prayer. I've never before seen darkness like the darkness that gripped Doug that day -- a darkness that could pull a man away from his peace in Christ and drag him to a pit of despair. We tried to give him up to God, knowing that only Christ could be a light in that darkness. The whole situation showed me the power of Christ in a new way, to think that Christ could conquer that demon of alcohol. 


And praise Jesus, we saw Doug again on Monday, sober and working once again! He wasn't quite his normal self, but obviously Jesus had delivered him once again. We got to work with Doug the rest of the week and praise God for his continued journey into recovery. Thank you, brothers and sisters, for lifting him up in prayer with us! It really is true: “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand." Amen!

Tomorrow afternoon we'll leave for an Ascent family vacation at the Lake of the Ozarks. Our planned backpacking trip to Colorado had to be cancelled because of the burn ban there. We return on Wednesday night and will spend the rest of our time talking about transitioning back to our normal family and college life. Prayers for this upcoming time of bonding at the lake and then transitioning out of the internship would be wonderful. Thank you! I've been blessed by your constant support. He is good!

Brothers in Need of Prayer Warriors!

This past week and a half has been a little wonky. First of all, I have had some powerful and challenging encounters with God. Instead of leaving me on a spiritual high like I was expecting, God has brought be to a place of dryness, asking me to rely on the knowledge that He is here, and not on my feelings about it.

A lot of the wonkiness stems from Hope Faith, though. Jodie, Sean, and I have been split up at Hope Faith, Sean working with construction and Jodie and I painting much of the time. Serving separately was different -- less inside jokes at the end of the day =) But also, the stress levels at Hope Faith have been high lately, and I like to ask you to pray for the some of the people we've come to know and love there.

Dave -- We met Dave our first day of service at Hope Faith, and from that first encounter on, Jodie, Sean, and I were constantly encouraged by his joy and love of service. He was in his thirties and had left a life of wealth and alcohol in the corporate world after being dramatically rescued by God. Two weeks ago we stopped seeing Dave around and were eventually told that he was asked to step down from his position as warehouse director because of a conflict involving pride. We don't know details, but please pray that God would heal any broken relationships, help Dave let go of pride, and keep him in His hands.

Justin -- Justin is our age and was working as a construction employee at Hope Faith. He had previously completed the Hope Faith internship, but had fallen back into drugs and was returning for support during his recovery. We got to work with him often and it was fun to have someone else our own age to work with and learn from. We haven't seen Justin in a week or so, and don't know where he's been. Pray that God would defeat his addiction to heroin and surround him with a community of people who will uphold him as God teaches him what it is to walk with Him.

Doug -- Doug was once an engineer and functioning alcoholic before he totally gave in to his addiction. In rehab, he had an encounter with God that turned his life around. He met Dave and together they dedicated a year to service at Hope Faith in gratitude to God for what he did for them. Dave was put in charge of construction at Hope Faith and is always spreading joy and taking care of people. The three of us have gotten close to Dave and love working with him. But yesterday, he came into work, not at all himself. We're not sure what's going on, but he wasn't at work today. Please pray that Doug would humbly accept love and correction from his brothers and sisters and that God would cover him with grace, not condemnation.

It's been hard see these guys leave, especially after getting to know them so well as brothers in Christ, and knowing that they were great examples for others at Hope Faith. But we know that Christ will not lose even one that the Father has given Him! Thank you so much for your prayers, brothers and sisters! I'll let you know if there are any updates with these guys. God is good and battles for His children. Not even the changes of addiction and pride can keep Him from us!

Yahweh Elohim

Hey all! Here is a quick overview of what I've/we've been up to these past few weeks:

June 25-July 1
Monday -- Service and teachings on the names of God and true femininity and masculinity.
Tuesday -- Service, prayer in the IHOP prayer room, inner city prayer and intercession
Wednesday -- Service, Manuscript study, Jodie, Sean, and I returned to Hope Faith to meet a high school volunteer group and share our testimonies (my first time doing this, and it was awesome!)
Thursday -- 6:00am 3 mile challenge run, service, prayer in a coffee shop, hang out at the boys inner city house
Friday -- Played a worship set at Hope Faith (exciting and humbling!), left for weekend at home
Saturday -- Morning run my beautiful bride-to-be friend Dahoni Dowell, afternoon wedding of Alyssa Shilling (Logemann), evening hang-out with HS friends
Sunday -- Church at home --WHCC!! Lunch with family, and on the rode again back to KC

July 2-July 6
Monday -- Service, teaching on names of God and communication (verbal and nonverbal)
Tuesday -- Service, prayer in IHOP prayer room,
Wednesday -- Day off! Book discussion of Collapse of the Brass Heavens, Inner city cook-out, WWI museum (very powerful), another cookout and fireworks at Corporate Woods park
Thursday -- Service (talked a prayed with a client for 2 hours), prayer room at the Barnes and Nobles at the Plaza downtown, girls night out with Ryan (our director) at the Orange Leaf frozen yogurt
Friday -- Service, drive to Pella, Spiderman movie! sand volleyball

Now here's a little what I've been learning/experiencing:

Lord and God -- those are the two primary names used for our Creator and Sustainer in your average English translation of the Bible. Turns out, the Hebrews were a lot more descriptive when they spoke about Him. A large part of our teachings with Ryan this summer are spent studying the names of God found in the Hebrew Scriptures and what those names tell us about how God interacts with His people.

Last week, we looked at the name Ruach, which literally translated means wind or breath and is the Hebrew word for the Spirit of God. 

This week, we looked at the name Yahweh Elohim. These are actually two names, but are often used together. Yahweh is often translated as I AM, but carries the connotation of I AM from the Foundation of the World. Elohim means Mighty One and is the name that really stuck with me throughout the week. The ancient Hebrew word for Elohim is made up of two symbols, the oxhead and the shepherd's staff or yoke. The ox was the strongest animal in the Hebrew experience, and the shepherd staff or yoke symbolized leading.
One of the applications that Ryan shared was the picture of two oxen yoked together. In order to train a young ox, it's owner would yoke it with a strong, old ox who knew the path. The older ox would keep the younger pulling in the right direction. This is a picture of our walk with Christ. When we say yes to His yoke, he walks with us at just the right pace and teaches us to walk with Him. Sometimes we try to pull away to the right or left, but he pulls us along with Him. All the time, He is there, pulling with us and patiently teaching us to walk as He does. He is MIGHTY, but He is gentle as well.
This picture stuck with me throughout the week. Right now, I think I am walking with Elohim through a time of learning to be vulnerable and honest. I'm very good at being OK, even if I'm actually unsettled or upset. God is prompting me to own these feelings and share them with Him and my brothers and sisters. I'm seeing how humbly excepting the listening ear and open heart of others is a way of receiving His love and care. Sometimes I sit down and He has to drag me along, but He is faithful and strong to bring me more into step with Him!
Dear brothers and sisters, thank you for your prayers! I would appreciate prayers for an outpouring of God's love on us for those we are serving. We've been at our sites for six weeks now, and it's still great, but much of the excitement has worn off. Pray that we would be refilled by Him =) As always, please let me know how I can be in prayer for you. I have been so uplifted by your encouragement and want to hold you up as well!

Hope Faith -- Work and Learning

Another week of the internship has passed, and once again it's been quite the time of learning from God and practicing his presence. Here's some of the things Sean, Jodie, and I accomplished at Hope Faith this past week:

Monday: Put up baseboards in the hallway by the shower

Tuesday: Continued to work on the basement -- our pet project. Organized paint supplies and cleaned up trash. 

Wednesday: Explored the attic and roof as we cleaned and replaced air conditioner vents

Thursday: Went through the electronics room and threw out ancient keyboards and printers. Supported Sean as he gave his testimony at Hope Faith's worship service, Word on the Street. 

Friday: Ate breakfast with clients and then hung out talking and playing cards with whoever stopped by. 

It's been a great week! While working at Hope Faith, we've had lots of opportunities to work with some new people. On Tuesday Will and Osyrus helped us in the basement -- they're two high school kids doing community service. Then on Wednesday and Friday we got to hang out a bit with Justin, who is only a year or two older than us. He has done the Hope Faith internship before and fell back into old habits afterward. Now he's back and is getting back on a good path again.

I've continued to get glimpses of the inner city poor culture as the weeks go on. This past Friday, Jodie and I experienced some of the objectification that is commonplace for women here. An older man named Joe sat next to us for some of the morning and was talking with us. Most of what he said was harmless -- he told us about his model airplane collection and his three marriages and reading to his kids when they were young. But scattered throughout the conversation were some subtle and many not-so-subtle markers of just what Joe thought of women. He complimented my long hair and told Jodie and I he was trying to decide who to propose to. He talked a lot about sex, not in a explicit way, but in a way that showed how closely he associated women with making love. The kicker came at the end of the day as we got up to leave. Joe said, "Now remember ladies, the best thing about you is your figures. I mean it now! Watch your figures. We have to many Big Bertha's running around."

Jodie and I prayed with Sean when we got back to Ryan's -- praying off those lies that Joe said and praying that God would heal the anger and bitterness in him. We realized how fortunate we were to have men in our lives who validated us in all our talents and abilities and who would fight for us if we were ever threatened. So many women in the inner city culture have been used and abused by the very men whose role it is to protect and respect them. Just the small taste I had on Friday was enough to help me imagine the insecurity, mistrust, and defensiveness that that kind of treatment would create in the life a woman. It's sucky.

Prayer Request: Praise for men who treat women with respect and honor them before God. Prayers that God would bring healing to the women at Hope Faith and throughout inner city culture who have been shut down and objectified. That they would come alive through the love of Christ and that Jodie, Sean, and I would be sensitive to their hurts and needs as we minister to them.

Thank you all! God bless!

Father's Day Gifts

Wrote this in creativity group today. It was supposed to be a gift from me to God, but it kinda ended up the other way around =) He gives good gifts indeed!

Pearl of Great Price

You are my Papa, I am your girl

You've polished me up

And made me your pearl. 

Lost in the depths of the ocean so vast

Caught in the seaweed

Of the sins of my past. 

Cold and alone, my breath running out

You saw me. "My daughter!"

You let out a shout. 

Leaving behind your place on the sand

You tore off your God clothes 

And plunged in -- a man. 

You swam the way down -- league after league.

Scraped by the coral,

Your hands start to bleed. 

I see you far off -- I hope and I wonder: 

Why come to save me? 

Doubt pulls me under. 

But still you swim on, and soon you are here. 

Breaking me free

From the chains of my fear. 

Then upward we soar! Up towards the light!

My fear is replaced

By joy and delight!

Here is the air! Here is the sun!

Here I'm alive!

Thanks to the One. 

Now on the beach, I fall at your feet. 

Amazed that for me

The whole ocean you've beat. 

Yet you lift me up and whisper real low

All the beautiful things

You want me to know. 

That you are my Papa, I am your pearl,

And nothing could keep you

From your little girl. 

Shh... Just Listen

Another week has gone by, with me not posting more often -- sorry! Sometimes it's hard to believe that ya'll really want to know that much about my life! But you keep telling me that you do, so I will honor you by posting again by Wednesday. There, now it has to happen  =)

This week has really flown by! Last week at this time, we were just getting back from Pella, Iowa, where we spend every other weekend. Ascent holds a prayer meeting/bible study at an old Catholic church there every  weekend, and we go up for the prayer meetings. These meetings are unique. We begin with worship and then move on to Gospel Contemplation, where Ryan or Jean (the directors) will read a passage from the Gospel aloud and invite the rest of us to meditate on it. After that time of centering, we have a break and then reconvene in a couple of smaller groups for the main part of the meeting -- listening prayer.

Usually we think of prayer as us talking to God, but in listening prayer, we reverse the roles and ask God to quiet our hearts so we hear Him talk to us. In each of the groups, everyone takes a turn sitting in the middle while everyone else prays for him or her, just listening and asking God to give us a thought for the person in the middle. The thought could be a verse of scripture, a song, a picture, a word, or just an impression. Then we share those thoughts with the person we're praying for and allow them to sit with God and decide what was from Him and what we kinda made up. The purpose of this kind of prayer is to encourage each other and also to learn what God's voice sounds like and how to listen for it. It's definitely a process of grace, but it is a great blessing!

 If you are skeptical or weirded out by the idea of listening prayer, I don't blame you! When I first heard of it several years ago, I didn't know what to think. It was different than anything I'd ever experienced and I had all sorts of questions: does God really talk to us that clearly? why would He? how do you know if the thought you have is from Him or from your own mind? The only reason I went to my first Ascent prayer meeting, called Encounter I AM, was because I trusted my friend Sara from high school, who had experienced a lot of blessing from listening prayer. But even though I decided God was probably big enough to speak to people through other people's thoughts if He wanted to, I was sure that He wouldn't want to do that for me.

Long story short, I was blown away by the power and love of God that I experienced the first time I participated in listening prayer the summer after my freshman year of college! I was the last person in our group to be prayed over, and I wasn't expecting to hear anything that was really personal. Maybe some generic stuff about God loving me, but nothing that was really specific to my life. Well, I was wrong. God gave those praying for me pictures that described the place I was at with indecision and disappointment with my major and reminded me that Jesus knew what He was doing and wanted me to trust Him and just BE with Him. They also shared with me a scripture that I had just been given by a friend and that had really been encouraging me lately. After this experience, I had to reevaluate my tiny idea of who God was and how He wanted to interact with me. It was seriously life-changing to realize the power and intimate love of our God all at the same time!

It took me several more prayer meetings for me to get over my fear actually sharing the things that God had put on my heart for others in our group, but eventually, sharing became as much of a blessing as receiving -- especially as people responded in ways that confirmed that God was speaking to them in the word or picture I'd shared.

Now, I just want to clarify that you don't just say whatever pops into your mind when you're praying over someone. If what you hear is contrary to the Bible or the character of God as revealed in the Bible, than it is obviously not from God and shouldn't be shared. You also never share something that you hear about a major life decision, like marriage or jobs or things like that. Even if those thoughts are from God, the person needs to hear those directly from God, not from you first. That being said, listening prayer is a practice of grace. You usually don't know if the picture or song or word in your head will mean anything to the person you're praying for, but you can share it anyway, just in case, and let them sit with God and decide. It's sometimes really fun to see how God will use what seems like silliness to one person to speak to someone else!

Anyway, I wanted to share with you all about listening prayer because the idea behind it -- that God uses our imaginations to communicate to and through us -- is something we'll be exploring a lot this summer. It's crazy all the ways that God will speak to us if we're open to listen! All the while that we are serving or learning or running this summer, we are practicing being aware of God's presence: how He's speaking to us, teaching us, or leading us to speak to others. We're not very good at it, but that's okay. God's patient =) And Christ invites us to this in John 15:4 when He says, "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." 


So that's not at all what I was planning on sharing with you today, but that's what came out, and I'm glad! If you are freaked out by the idea of listening prayer, or just have questions about it, please don't hesitate to email me at lxpskr@dordt.edu. I won't be offended by your skepticism or curiosity.

Expect another post very soon -- one more about what's happening right now, and hopefully some pictures too =)

In honor of Father's Day and the reminder it gives of the importance of families, please remember the clients at HopeFaith who have very painful, broken family histories. Pray that God would heal those wounds with gifts of grace and forgiveness and satisfy them with His love.

Thanks brothers and sisters!

Psalm 68

Things Unseen

First of all, I'm sorry that I've waited so long to blog. 1) Because some of you commented that you would have liked me to blog more often when I was in Nicaragua last year, and 2) because now I have way to much to say for this one post!


This past week has been great and blessed and challenging in a lot of ways. This past weekend was our first in KC and the staff wanted us to see some of the city. On Saturday, after some much needed sleep-in time, we headed to a Christian Indie Craft Fair in Johnson County and then to Loose Park downtown for Frisbee and reading, finishing off the day with We Bought a Zoo from the Red Box.


Sunday morning we attended Beggars Table Church in downtown -- it's a church that doubles as an art gallery!  We were warmly welcomed into the small, young congregation and we worshiped with them in the midst of paintings by Clint Metcalf. It was really a beautiful, refreshing morning. I've put the link to the church and artist on the left.


Then this week we settled even more into our schedules and into each other's company. As the only Dordt student doing the internship, I was expecting it to take a while to be really connected to all the Central students, but I feel like I've know them for much longer than two weeks. I was the only girl at Ryan's house one night and Ryan, the director, asked me if I had hung out with guys a lot. He totally read me on that, cause I was a little unsure of what to do with myself as the only girl there. But then I was able to talk about that with some of the girls, and I'm excited about learning more about just sharing and relating to guys, That's just one example of the kind of community we have -- very honest and challenging and caring.


Besides getting to know the other interns better, I've gotten way more comfortable at Hope Faith this past week. All of the interns were working at Hope Faith this week because the other volunteer site, Kansas City Urban Youth, doesn't begin until Monday. By the end of this week, almost all the interns and staff recognized Jodie, Sean, and I, who had been working there everyday. It's so encouraging to be met with recognition and enthusiasm, even if they only know us as Yahoo 1, Yahoo 2, and Nancy (Sean is Nancy, of course). Some of the work we've done there this week includes arranging furniture in their newest transitional house, washing and oiling the woodwork in that house, organizing donations in the warehouse, working in the new community garden, and serving food in the kitchen. I love working with the other interns and getting to know them better, but my favorite part of Hope Faith is the interaction we have with the clients. On Thursdays we attend their 10 o'clock service called Word on the Street. The talent among the clients and staff is phenomenal! Every week, Mark leads worship -- gospel-style. Ladies are shouting and playing tambourines -- they're sold out for Jesus! This week, one of the men who works in the kitchen got up and did two original raps for us. He was a huge black guy, and it was so cool to hear God's word and truth expressed so poetically and in a way that really connected to the clients there.


Fridays at Hope Faith what Jim, our supervisor, calls our "Ministry Days." We go to morning devotions and then kinda hang out in the fellowship halls, building relationships with clients and being available for prayer. Praise God! He had a lot of work for us to do yesterday! Patsty and Sean spent almost two hours listening to the story of a young man about our age. He told of his broken past -- abuse, drugs, two kids with his girl friend, prison, prescription drug abuse -- and of his current despair. He was really struck by the happiness the Patsy and Sean and wanted what they had. They prayed for him, and then he decided he wanted to pray for himself. It was his first prayer ever, and in he asked God to take his addiction and fix his life. Afterward, he said that he felt as if a weight had been taken from his shoulders. I met him at lunch, and there's no way that I could have guessed the despair he had felt earlier by looking at him then. It was so awesome to see the way God had provided Patsy and Sean to give this man what he had been looking for -- hope and a new start.

I also had an eventful day at Hope Faith Friday. I talked for about an hour with a young woman named Marina, who has beautiful eyes and wild curly hair. She has a very broken past and is living on the streets now. She has some sort of mental illness, but is very sweet and soft-spoken. I sat down next to her and we started talking about God and faith. Marina has a sincere faith in Christ, but there were some parts of her theology that were skewed, and as she talked and talked and talked, I became more and more overwhelmed. How was I supposed to respond to all that hurt and bitterness and truth and falsehood and conviction? Eventually I excused myself and just stood in the bathroom for a while, settling my heart and praying for guidance. I returned to the group and Heidi prayed for me too. One of the Hope Faith staff soon came up and asked me to pray for someone else, which was a blessing -- I was able to pray truth and life and God's love over another woman. But for the rest of the day I was physically drained and a bit preoccupied by what had happened that morning. The conversation and prayer I was a part of, combined with Patsy and Sean's experience really opened my eyes to the reality that Hope Faith is a spiritual battlefield. Brokenness and pain are not hidden there, but neither are love and freedom of Christ. These two realms are in a struggle for the allegiance of the people there, and as warriors of Christ, we must be aware that we are entering that battle. Our King is going to win the battle, but we're still called to fight it! Thank goodness that we're are told never to fight in our own strength! That was another lesson of the day -- sometimes we minister by listening and praying, and we have to let go and trust God to work out the rest.

Once again, there's more to tell you all!! I don't want this blog to just be a play-by-play of my schedule; I want it to be a testimony of the work God is doing and what I'm learning from Him. I hope to blog again in more detail on that soon. 

Thank you once again for your prayers! I continue to receive great encouragement from your notes =) Please pray that God would teach me to follow His lead at Hope Faith, to go clothed in the armor of God, and to trust Him to work out His will there. It's an adventure!

You all are in my prayers as well! Please let me know how I can lift you up before our Father. Blessings on you week!

The Opening Challenge: "Abide in Me"

They have certainly kept us busy this first week of our internship! I'm down here with 9 other interns, all of whom are from Central College in Pella. We've spent a lot of time together so far, and it's been great to get to know them. The four of us girls live in our own rented house with Ascent staff member Emily (who is a great house mom and spider killer). Four of the guys are doing the internship for their second or third time, so they are living in a rented house in the inner city with two other Ascent staff. The other two guys are first year interns like the girls, and they are living in the Ascent "home base" house with two staff members as well.

Our schedule settled into what will become our normal routine by the end of the week. My looks something like this:

	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Weekend
Morning (8-12)	Work at Hope Faith – delivering furniture, serving food, sorting clothes, building relationships with staff and clients, eating lunch with clients.
Afternoon (1-5)	Teaching at Ryan's house ("Home Base")	Prayer in the IHOP (International House of Prayer) Prayer Room	Manuscript Study of Zachariah at Ryan's	Prayer on our own	Teaching at Ryan's house	Every other weekend: Bible study in Pella. Otherwise, our own free time.

So much has happened, that I'm not sure where to start in relating it all to you. Two other interns, Sean and Jodie, and I began our time at Hope Faith Ministries (a homeless day center) this week. Jim, our supervisor, took us on a tour and explained to us the purpose (to glorify God and tell people about His Son) and history (full of God's powerful working) of the ministry. I'm very glad to have been assigned to Hope Faith for the summer, as the staff are sold out for Jesus and the programs they have in place really impact their clients for the better. I'm sure I'll have lots more to tell you about Hope Faith throughout the summer! If you'd like to know more about them, I've posted their link on my home page.

So far, everyday has been packed with learning about God. A real focus of our internship is learning and practicing what the staff calls abiding. Other people call it being constantly in prayer. Basically, it's the idea of being constantly plugged into God. Our day of silence on Tuesday was sort of abiding initiation -- a whole day with just ourselves and God. We were given a short book to read called Practicing the Presence of God, written by Brother Lawrence in the 1600s. What a challenging and encouraging read! Brother Lawrence describes the way that he constantly fixes his heart and mind on God, simply for the love of Him. If you're like me, you'd like to be able to do this, but know yourself to be too distracted and broken to be thinking of the Father all the time. But Brother Lawrence reminds his readers that God's grace does not depend on his children's worthiness. When we fall, we don't have to beat ourselves up, because God expects us to fall and gives us grace to pick ourselves up and turn to Him again. It's that simple! We just turn our hearts and minds back to God and never expect to be able to succeed without His intervention. This will be my challenge and joy this summer: to seek God with my whole heart, learn to wait silently on Him, and keep Him at the center of my thoughts and actions all day, picking myself up by His grace alone when I fall.

In your prayers next week, please pray that Sean, Jodie, and I would have confidence when reaching out to the clients at Hope Faith -- it's hard to know how to start a conversation with someone in a homeless shelter. Also, for the clients there -- that their hearts would be open to our friendship and God's love. And please share your requests with me, that I may be in prayer for you as well! You can always email me at lxpskr.dordt.edu.

Arriving in KC

Well, after a full afternoon of driving, people-meeting, and moving in, I am settled in a beautiful home in Grandview, MO, a suburb to the south of Kansas City. It was a long day, so I'll fill you in on the details of my schedule and other details later. But I just wanted to thank you all for the encouragement you've given me already -- through your kind words and prayers, and the notes many of you sent along with your donations. I read those notes just now, I and claim the promises many of you declared over me:
"God will use your talents and gifts in a mighty way. You will shine brightly for God in this dark world."
"'Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers...'"
"May God's faithful presence be your hope and joy."
Amen! These are the prayers and promises I declare over my summer. Thank you for reminding me of these truths.
Tomorrow is a day of silence where we can let go of distractions and begin to focus on our summers here. Prayers for stillness and patience of heart are appreciated! (It's hard to be quiet for a whole day!) I'll have lots of prayer time this summer, so please let me know how I can be lifting you up!

It's what the Lord has done in me...

It's after 11, and I have to get up before 4, but I can never sleep before moves like this one. Besides, I want to give you some final thoughts from Nicaragua =)

When I came to Nicaragua, I was really wondering down in my heart what I would really be able to give. I had never worked with special education, therapy, or horses, and my Spanish skills were really untried. Was it possible that I would just be a burden to my hosts? This was a big fear of mine, and it mirrored a lie that has long been growing in my heart -- that to be loved, I must gain the approval of others by showing them how valuable I am. This is really a sucky lie to live by. It has the power to (and often does) turn you into an insecure people-pleaser.  Of course, I know that this is a lie, but it is still rooted in my heart and I've been praying the past few months that God would uproot this lie and grow me in the truth that I am enough in Him, based solely on the fact that He loves me.

While here in Nicaragua, God has been answering my prayers. It's not that I've had any huge spiritual highs or had some grand epiphany. It's more that I've finally know in my heart the truth that I've known in my head - that I am valuable and loved because God first loved me. The Spirit has shown me this truth through the love of His people here -- at Tesoros, at church, and especially in my family here. Before they knew me, they loved me, and before I had a chance to prove anything, they cared for me. This love, freely given, has been healing for my soul. It's not that those at home don't love me in with God's love this way. It's just that God had to take me to strangers to show me that His love can't be earned, and that I can relax into the arms that hold me.

What a blessed truth! I pray that you all rest quietly and confidently with our Savior.

There is so much more that I want to share with you all, but it will have to wait. For now, good night and God bless.

Psalm 131

A song of ascents. Of David.

My heart is not proud, O Lord,

my eyes are not haughty;

I do not concern myself with great matters

or things to wonderful for me.

But I have stilled and quieted my soul;

like a weaned child with its mother,

like a weaned child is my soul within me. 

O Israel, put you hope in the Lord, 

both now and forevermore. 

Honduran Vistas

Our trip began at 6:30am Sunday morning (it was almost a 12 hour drive one way). Five of us piled into Michelle's SUV, and we left Managua for Comayagua, Honduras. We crossed the border very easily (later we found out it also illegally) around 10, and one of the first differences we noticed about Honduras was that roads signs were a lot more common here. 

Honduras is so beautiful! The whole drive was through green mountains like these. 

After Tegucigalpa, we hit construction traffic. We were expecting it, so it wasn't too much of a bummer. Another surprise in Honduras were the pine forests that covered the mountains. Sometimes I felt like I was in Colorado, not Central America!

There aren't many rules on the roads in Central America. Probably because of this, there are a lot of monuments like this one that line the roads in memory of someone killed in an accident. 

Our hotel was very comfortable. This is the view of Comayagua from the doorway of our room on the second floor. 

On Monday night, we had dinner at a little restaurant beside this church in the Parque Central. With me beside the fountain is Jennifer, who has worked at Tesoros since it began and came along to see how a different school worked with special needs kids. 

The purpose of our trip was to come to CasAyuda (House of Help). Michelle was asked by a special needs school in the states to act as liason with CasAyuda. While here, she planned to observe classes, answer teachers' questions, and give feedback on what she saw.

Here is the school. On the near right is the dormitory (some kids travel so far to come here, they have to stay the whole week), a painting workshop, and a bakery. The building on the far right houses the classrooms for children with cognitive impairments, and across the courtyard on the left are classrooms for deaf students and the cafeteria. 

Some of the deaf students in the court for recess. 

This is the preschool room where I spent most of my time. The kids are divided by mental capability, not by age, so the kids in preschool were anywhere from 3 to 19 years old. There was almost no organization in this room, and the kids were crazy! None of us could imagine working here every day. 

Classes end at 12 every day, but after lunch, there are vocational classes for the deaf kids. We looked in on their painting class one day and were blown away by their talent! Apparently, a lot of them have natural talent that only needs encouragement. This paintings are given to volunteers as thank-yous, and sometimes sold to support the school and the children themselves.

Besides painting, the students also work with pottery, a printing press (I think that's what it's called -- something arty like that), and help in the bakery.

A reporter who wants to help the school with publicity came and interviewed Michelle on camera! We forgot to watch the news to see if we made it on...

Michelle, Jennifer, and Kate (a friend of Michelle's who is also a teacher) pose with all the teachers from the school. 

Krista is a volunteer at another school near Managua. She came along with us in order to fulfill her life-long dream of visiting Honduras. It was really great to have her with us -- she was always excited about something!

Who knew they had lion's clubs in Central America? 

Here's the church again. Some of the teachers took us site-seeing after class on Wednesday, so we got a closer look. 

Here we are going up the staircase to the clock tower of the Church. 

This clock is the oldest working clock in all of Central America, and possibly the world! It was built in 1450, at the latest (they think it might have been built in 1100) and was brought to Honduras in the 1600s. We got to see it strike the quarter hour -- very cool =)

Here is the view from the bell tower. Comayagua was once the capital of Honduras, and I think the guide said that the building you see here was one of the government buildings from that time period.

Another view of Comayagua and the mountains that surround it. In general, Honduras was much cleaner than Nicaragua, which makes sense as Nicaragua is the second poorest country in the Western Hemisphere (after Hati) and minimum wage in Honduras is twice that of Nicaragua.

A woman prays in the chapel inside the church.

Kate checks out the sweet peek-hole on the door of the Archaeological Museum.  

Here is an example of the native dress of the people that once lived in the area that is now Comayagua. The man in the blue is Mario. He studied engineering, but now works at the school with the deaf students. He acted as our tour guide for the day.  

The bell tower of the church from the streets of Comayagua

Next we went to the Atolera Joselyn, which is a little restaurant that only serves things made from corn. Atol is actually a sweet drink made from cooking corn mush and milk. Here are some of what we had -- tamales and fritas, both made from sweet corn dough and topped with sweet cream. Yummy!

On the way there and back, we went through Tegucigalpa, the capital of Honduras. Teguc (as the locals call it) is sprawled among the mountains and the scenery there is very pretty. 

A look at Teguc -- street level. There are more western stores and restaurants in Teguc, than in Managua, and the traffic wasn't quite as crazy either. 

Finally we arrived in Nicaragua once again! This is a picture of the mountainous north country, where many Nicaraguans farm. 

All in all, it was a great trip. I learned a lot from listening to Kate and Michelle discuss the strengths and weaknesses of the classrooms at CasAyuda, and I loved encountering another part of God's creation. In your prayers this week, please remember the students and staff at CasAyuda. The teachers have a love for the kids, but sometimes lack the knowledge to teach them effectively. Pray that God would give them the perseverance to continue to learn. Also, CasAyuda has had to cut jobs recently, and the really need all the help they can get. They get lots of funding from the states, but the money is rarely given towards salaries. Pray that donors would realize that good teachers are more important than buildings and would be moved to give in a way that allows CasAyuda to hire the help they need. 

Hot Showers = Acclimation

This morning, I took my first hot shower in almost four weeks. Of the four showers in our house, only one has hot water. It's the farthest from my room, and for the first three weeks, I was too hot to even contemplate making the trip. But as I've gotten used to the weather here, the cold water has gotten progressively colder each morning. So today I took that hot shower... and it felt good =)

As you can maybe guess, life here has settled into a routine. As with the weather, I've grown accustomed to my schedule and the people that I interact with. Michelle picks me up every morning at 7:45 to go to Tesoros. I am there all day, doing whatever I can find to do. I listen as the staff tease each other and smile and laugh when the tease me too. Then at 4:30 I mount the bus with the children and staff. Don German, the bus driver, drops me off at the end of my street with Claudia, a bright beautiful girl of 17 who has cerebral palsy. I walk Claudia home before going home myself. At night, I play games with my brothers, watch TV, read the Bible to Nana, talk with Mama, and work on the computer. Sleeping by 10 and then up again for another day.

Still, life is sweet as I continue to develop relationships with my family, the staff at Tesoros, and with friends at church. Areika, a girl my age from church, has invited me to spend the day with her on Saturday. Really, the invitation was a gift from the Father! During all of church Sunday night, I was on the verge of tears, because I wanted so badly to communicate clearly with those around me, but found my Spanish very limiting. I was praying and praying for peace and growth. Then after the service, Areika, who is studying to be an English teacher, asked me to spend the day with her. She said she wasn't sure if she should ask or not, because she is usually shy. But her offer of friendship was exactly what I needed then -- and it came with a chance to practice Spanish with someone who can correct me in English! What a blessing and relief. Please pray for our time together -- that we would be honest and humble, and would share Christ's love.

On Sunday, I leave with Michelle for Honduras! Michelle has been asked to visit some special needs schools there on behalf of their sponsoring organization in the states. We'll be gone for five days -- two of those days will be for travel. Please keep us in your prayers for safe, stress-free travel, and loving fellowship.

I have some prayer requests for you all:

Many of the staff, including Michelle, have been sick, or have sick family members. Please pray for healing and peace.

I am beginning to feel superfluous at Tesoros. They are very well staffed, and my only really job is encourager and helper. My get-things-done attitude is having a hard time accepting that this is a worthwhile occupation. Pray that I would be plugged into the love of God, that I could serve out of this power.

On of the teenage students at Tesoros, Rebecca, is mentally handicapped and her family sees her as a curse. This daughter of God has been denied love and left to fend for herself at home. At this point, her primary caregiver says that only God has stopped her from killing Rebecca. The staff at Tesoros is aware of the situation, but there is really nothing they can do. At this point, the only other place for Rebecca to go is to the mental asylum, which not a good place to be either. Please pray that a new situation could be found for her --where she will be loved and cared for.

Bon Appetit!

Some of the Tuesday morning crowd at Tesoros gets ready for the presentation by the physical therapy students.

After a lot of encouragement, Jenny, one of the Tesoros staff, takes a mighty swing!

Here are some of the boys making cookies! Timo, the one grating the lime, speaks English very well, and I work with him on reading and telling time. 

Here Dona Patricia helps the kids roll out the dough for their cookies. Yummy!

Doña Patricia's Sugar Cookies

Makes 24 cookies

Ingredients:

2 cups flour

2 eggs

3/4 cups of oil

1 cup sugar

Zest of one lime

2 teaspoons of baking powder

1 tablespoon vanilla

1/4 tablespoon of salt

Raisins

Process:

Preheat the oven to 400 deg. F

Sift together flour, baking powder, salt.

In a separate bowl, beat the eggs. Add the oil, eggs, lime zest, and vanilla to the dry ingredients and mix well. Then add sugar and eggs.

Add more flour as necessary for a doughy consistency (we had to add up to a cup of flour).

Knead the dough so that it sticks together for rolling.

Roll out the dough to 1/2 thick and use cookie-cutters to cut out cookies.

Put on a greased cookie sheet and a raisin to the center of each.

Cook for 15-20 min, til the bottoms begin to brown. (Cook time will largely depend on how thick your cookies are, so watch them closely!)

Stupid Things I've said in Spanish: Part One

1) We were in a fancy hotel for a graduation ceremony. Mama and I were looking for the ladies room, and we could only find the men's. I said, "Mama, esto es para los caballos." I meant to say "caballeros" which means gentlemen, but instead, with my host brother and his friends standing nearby, I told her this bathroom was for horses.

2) Tonight after church, I wanted to wish a nice young man named Omar goodnight by saying "Adios Omar!" Instead I switched the vowels and said, "Adios Amor!" Which means "Goodbye my love!" and is the phrase the muchista men say to compliment women in the streets. Oops...

They say it your birthday/graduation/last day here.... We're gonna have a good time!

It has been quite the week here in my little corner of Nicaragua! Either I arrived in the height of the party season, or there really are parties ALL THE TIME here. I'm starting to think it's the latter. In my two weeks at Tesoros de Dios, we have had 5 parties and six pinatas. This past week, a group of physical therapy students finished the practicum they had been doing at Tesoros, and they had a party with three pinatas for the kids and the moms (pics to follow). Wednesday was a fun day because all the special education students got to make cookies (recipe to follow). Then on Thursday, a missions team from a Texas church came down. We had about 10min warning of their arrival, and it was amazing how quickly the Tesoros staff came up with stuff for them to do for the morning! Before they left, the team gave blankets to each mom (apparently, it does get cold in Nicaragua) and prayed over them through an interpreter. It was a blessing =) Friday was a another party at work for the birthday of Michelle, our director. Later that night my family went to a graduation service, which was a very fancy affair at a big hotel in Managua. Then, last night we went to a quincinera up at the church in Crucero. A quincinera is a celebration for a girl's 15th birthday, and it is a big deal in Latin American countries. This was the first I'd been to, and it was great (again, pics to follow).

All the partying is fun -- and really necessary with the hard life many Nicaraguans lead -- but it by far the best part is the people! The staff of eight ladies at Tesoros have been so welcoming! I feel as though I belong there. They love to tease and tease to love, so our days are full of laughing =) I also went with Papa and Ruben, my host brother, to youth worship last night; it was one of the biggest blessings of my time here! After the quincinera, we sat in a circle outside under the stars, and sang and prayed together. Even though I didn't understand all that was happening, and my oh-so-white skin shone in the starlight, it was obvious that we were coming before the same God as broken but hopeful members of His body -- how humbling is the unity of believers! And then there is my family here in Nicaragua, who have all but adopted me. I don't know how I'll leave them. But! In Christ, goodbye is never forever.

Prayer Requests:
Nana's ankle -- Nana, who lives with the family and takes care of them, fell a while back and broke her leg in three places. She is out of both the cast and brace, but her ankle is constantly swollen because she stands all day long. Please prayer for relief and healing for her.
Youth at church -- there is a strong youth presence and participation at the family's church. Please prayer that these young people would continue to realize Christ's work in every part of their lives. Especially pray for the men, as they struggle to live differently than the machista (macho) culture they've grown up in, which is cowardly and objectifies women.
Perseverance -- that I would continue the hard work of speaking Spanish, and would continue to live joyfully through the Spirit.

Impoverished

Poverty is a funny thing. Not comical -- I don't mean that at all. No, I mean that it is funny in that it is often not what we think it is. Anyone viewing the typical Nicaraguan abode would say that the people here are poor. And they are -- materially, at least. But the definition of poverty encompasses much more than simply a lack of possessions. It describes brokenness. It describes the effect of sin on our relationships. I might be materially poor because of the broken relationship between man and creation -- the ground will not give fruit. Or I may spiritually poor because I have put my hope in the riches of this world instead of the promises of God. Whatever our situation, poverty is present. The relationships in my life -- between myself and creation, myself and other people, and myself and God -- are never satisfying. There is want! Because of this, Christians enter each other's lives as broken healers, humbly offering the little they have been given to mend each other's brokenness.

The following piece was taken from a message from one friend at home to another currently on the mission field. It describes perfectly the realization of one's own poverty that occurs when trying to share with strangers, and the faithfulness of God in working His relationship-healing power through the offering. The story is an allegory, and I'll leave you to decode it =) Vaya con Dios!

As I was praying for you yesterday and today I feel like God wanted me to share this picture that he has for you and your team. 
here is the picture / story. There was a college student who recently joined a new church and was invited to a church picnic on sunday. the student had never been to a church picnic and didn't know what to expect or bring but was really excited to be a part of the church picnic and invest in whatever way he could. not having alot of money or food, the student put together a sandwhich with stale bread and some mustard...it was all he had at the moment, and headed to the picnic but when he got there, he was surrounded by all these people with amazing food. Suddenly his offering of a sandwhich in the fellowship of the church seemed shameful and small. He wished he had been better prepared or knew what to expect so he could have done a better job. Just as the student was getting ready to leave. A family approached him and asked if they could share their lunches. The student agreed but showed that he only had a sandwhich. The mom took the sandwhich, cut it up to share with the family and then opened the picnic basket and added to the plates salad and fruit and more sandwhiches and fried chicken and every good picnic food imaginable. They fellowshiped together and the spread of picnic food brought even more people to share in their lunch.