It's what the Lord has done in me...

It's after 11, and I have to get up before 4, but I can never sleep before moves like this one. Besides, I want to give you some final thoughts from Nicaragua =)

When I came to Nicaragua, I was really wondering down in my heart what I would really be able to give. I had never worked with special education, therapy, or horses, and my Spanish skills were really untried. Was it possible that I would just be a burden to my hosts? This was a big fear of mine, and it mirrored a lie that has long been growing in my heart -- that to be loved, I must gain the approval of others by showing them how valuable I am. This is really a sucky lie to live by. It has the power to (and often does) turn you into an insecure people-pleaser.  Of course, I know that this is a lie, but it is still rooted in my heart and I've been praying the past few months that God would uproot this lie and grow me in the truth that I am enough in Him, based solely on the fact that He loves me.

While here in Nicaragua, God has been answering my prayers. It's not that I've had any huge spiritual highs or had some grand epiphany. It's more that I've finally know in my heart the truth that I've known in my head - that I am valuable and loved because God first loved me. The Spirit has shown me this truth through the love of His people here -- at Tesoros, at church, and especially in my family here. Before they knew me, they loved me, and before I had a chance to prove anything, they cared for me. This love, freely given, has been healing for my soul. It's not that those at home don't love me in with God's love this way. It's just that God had to take me to strangers to show me that His love can't be earned, and that I can relax into the arms that hold me.

What a blessed truth! I pray that you all rest quietly and confidently with our Savior.

There is so much more that I want to share with you all, but it will have to wait. For now, good night and God bless.

Psalm 131

A song of ascents. Of David.

My heart is not proud, O Lord,

my eyes are not haughty;

I do not concern myself with great matters

or things to wonderful for me.

But I have stilled and quieted my soul;

like a weaned child with its mother,

like a weaned child is my soul within me. 

O Israel, put you hope in the Lord, 

both now and forevermore.