Ending Blessings and Lessons

From left to right, some of the people we love from Hope Faith: Bryan (staff pastor), Donna (office assistant), Jim (IT guy and our boss), me, in front Andre (head of security and client services), Dwight (in charge of the warehouse), Sean, Jodie, and Doug (construction)

Yesterday was an important day down here -- a day of endings. We began the morning with a five mile run, the last of our running challenges for the summer. We had to start at 5:30, before even the sun was awake, in order to finish and get to service without being too terribly late. The run started at our house and included a beautiful three mile loop on a bike trail through the woods. Patsy and I ran together and had a great time enjoying the beauty of the morning together. And we were super pumped to say that we did the whole 5 miles without walking!

After running we headed back to shower and get ready for our lasts days at our service sites. It was hard to know how to feel -- sad that we're leaving, or glad for the experience? My internal confusion was evident in my very absent-minded driving that morning. Thankfully, Jodie was in front and kept us from any major accidents.

Our last day at Hope Faith was definitely blessed. We took time to take a bunch of pictures with the people we had become close to and still had plenty of time to help out with a volunteer group and work in the warehouse. The end of the morning was very special for us. Jim, our boss, had us bring our trays into the conference room where some the people we worked with and connected with the most were waiting. Jim, Jesse, Dwight, Doug, Dre, Bryan, Donna, and Desire are SO busy, that just to see them all make time together with us a priority was very humbling. We shared stories for our summer and they shared what they loved about us and would miss. Our hearts were full by the end of our time there, to say the least.

Despite the blessed morning, as the afternoon went on I became more and more internally restless -- I had felt that way off and on the past couple days and didn't really want to sit down and figure out why, so I continued to put it off. That feeling carried into today until I knew I couldn't run from whatever was bothering me anymore. I went on a walk with God and realized that I was angry -- angry that I had to get so close to the other interns and then leave them. I'm the only non-Central student, and it felt really sucky to have to leave. It was good to realize this -- that even though I knew in my head that God has good plans for me and will provide what I need when I go back to Dordt, I still felt those emotions of sadness and anger in my heart. I felt prompted to take Sean up on his offer to walk and talk with me, even though I didn't know that he could really help. He and Jodie both walked with me and just listened as I expressed my frustration and my confusion about what to do about it. Jodie and I ended up sitting together on the sidewalk for awhile while I just cried and cried. Afterward, I was still sad, but I was SO comforted by the presence of a sister who was okay with my mess and my emotion. I felt so invited to just be -- whatever that meant at the time.

As the internship comes to the close, I am blessed. Blessed by the beautiful relationships I have built at Hope Faith and with the other interns, and blessed by the knowledge that these gifts are from God. He knows me, deeply. He knew that I needed to mourn the passing of this short season of my life, and He provided members of His body to invite me into that and to sit with me through it. Brothers and sisters, God is okay with your mess, and sometimes He asks you to share it and let others help you deal with it. Learning this has been one of a few hard and richly rewarding lessons of my summer in KC.

Also, an update on one of the prayer requests I posted last time. Our friend Doug, who was in charge of construction at Hope Faith and had recently been delivered from alcoholism, did have a relapse last week. We saw him drunk last Thursday, and that was a very hard day for Sean, Jodie, and I. We spent most of it crying and lifting Doug up in prayer. I've never before seen darkness like the darkness that gripped Doug that day -- a darkness that could pull a man away from his peace in Christ and drag him to a pit of despair. We tried to give him up to God, knowing that only Christ could be a light in that darkness. The whole situation showed me the power of Christ in a new way, to think that Christ could conquer that demon of alcohol. 


And praise Jesus, we saw Doug again on Monday, sober and working once again! He wasn't quite his normal self, but obviously Jesus had delivered him once again. We got to work with Doug the rest of the week and praise God for his continued journey into recovery. Thank you, brothers and sisters, for lifting him up in prayer with us! It really is true: “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand." Amen!

Tomorrow afternoon we'll leave for an Ascent family vacation at the Lake of the Ozarks. Our planned backpacking trip to Colorado had to be cancelled because of the burn ban there. We return on Wednesday night and will spend the rest of our time talking about transitioning back to our normal family and college life. Prayers for this upcoming time of bonding at the lake and then transitioning out of the internship would be wonderful. Thank you! I've been blessed by your constant support. He is good!

Brothers in Need of Prayer Warriors!

This past week and a half has been a little wonky. First of all, I have had some powerful and challenging encounters with God. Instead of leaving me on a spiritual high like I was expecting, God has brought be to a place of dryness, asking me to rely on the knowledge that He is here, and not on my feelings about it.

A lot of the wonkiness stems from Hope Faith, though. Jodie, Sean, and I have been split up at Hope Faith, Sean working with construction and Jodie and I painting much of the time. Serving separately was different -- less inside jokes at the end of the day =) But also, the stress levels at Hope Faith have been high lately, and I like to ask you to pray for the some of the people we've come to know and love there.

Dave -- We met Dave our first day of service at Hope Faith, and from that first encounter on, Jodie, Sean, and I were constantly encouraged by his joy and love of service. He was in his thirties and had left a life of wealth and alcohol in the corporate world after being dramatically rescued by God. Two weeks ago we stopped seeing Dave around and were eventually told that he was asked to step down from his position as warehouse director because of a conflict involving pride. We don't know details, but please pray that God would heal any broken relationships, help Dave let go of pride, and keep him in His hands.

Justin -- Justin is our age and was working as a construction employee at Hope Faith. He had previously completed the Hope Faith internship, but had fallen back into drugs and was returning for support during his recovery. We got to work with him often and it was fun to have someone else our own age to work with and learn from. We haven't seen Justin in a week or so, and don't know where he's been. Pray that God would defeat his addiction to heroin and surround him with a community of people who will uphold him as God teaches him what it is to walk with Him.

Doug -- Doug was once an engineer and functioning alcoholic before he totally gave in to his addiction. In rehab, he had an encounter with God that turned his life around. He met Dave and together they dedicated a year to service at Hope Faith in gratitude to God for what he did for them. Dave was put in charge of construction at Hope Faith and is always spreading joy and taking care of people. The three of us have gotten close to Dave and love working with him. But yesterday, he came into work, not at all himself. We're not sure what's going on, but he wasn't at work today. Please pray that Doug would humbly accept love and correction from his brothers and sisters and that God would cover him with grace, not condemnation.

It's been hard see these guys leave, especially after getting to know them so well as brothers in Christ, and knowing that they were great examples for others at Hope Faith. But we know that Christ will not lose even one that the Father has given Him! Thank you so much for your prayers, brothers and sisters! I'll let you know if there are any updates with these guys. God is good and battles for His children. Not even the changes of addiction and pride can keep Him from us!

Yahweh Elohim

Hey all! Here is a quick overview of what I've/we've been up to these past few weeks:

June 25-July 1
Monday -- Service and teachings on the names of God and true femininity and masculinity.
Tuesday -- Service, prayer in the IHOP prayer room, inner city prayer and intercession
Wednesday -- Service, Manuscript study, Jodie, Sean, and I returned to Hope Faith to meet a high school volunteer group and share our testimonies (my first time doing this, and it was awesome!)
Thursday -- 6:00am 3 mile challenge run, service, prayer in a coffee shop, hang out at the boys inner city house
Friday -- Played a worship set at Hope Faith (exciting and humbling!), left for weekend at home
Saturday -- Morning run my beautiful bride-to-be friend Dahoni Dowell, afternoon wedding of Alyssa Shilling (Logemann), evening hang-out with HS friends
Sunday -- Church at home --WHCC!! Lunch with family, and on the rode again back to KC

July 2-July 6
Monday -- Service, teaching on names of God and communication (verbal and nonverbal)
Tuesday -- Service, prayer in IHOP prayer room,
Wednesday -- Day off! Book discussion of Collapse of the Brass Heavens, Inner city cook-out, WWI museum (very powerful), another cookout and fireworks at Corporate Woods park
Thursday -- Service (talked a prayed with a client for 2 hours), prayer room at the Barnes and Nobles at the Plaza downtown, girls night out with Ryan (our director) at the Orange Leaf frozen yogurt
Friday -- Service, drive to Pella, Spiderman movie! sand volleyball

Now here's a little what I've been learning/experiencing:

Lord and God -- those are the two primary names used for our Creator and Sustainer in your average English translation of the Bible. Turns out, the Hebrews were a lot more descriptive when they spoke about Him. A large part of our teachings with Ryan this summer are spent studying the names of God found in the Hebrew Scriptures and what those names tell us about how God interacts with His people.

Last week, we looked at the name Ruach, which literally translated means wind or breath and is the Hebrew word for the Spirit of God. 

This week, we looked at the name Yahweh Elohim. These are actually two names, but are often used together. Yahweh is often translated as I AM, but carries the connotation of I AM from the Foundation of the World. Elohim means Mighty One and is the name that really stuck with me throughout the week. The ancient Hebrew word for Elohim is made up of two symbols, the oxhead and the shepherd's staff or yoke. The ox was the strongest animal in the Hebrew experience, and the shepherd staff or yoke symbolized leading.
One of the applications that Ryan shared was the picture of two oxen yoked together. In order to train a young ox, it's owner would yoke it with a strong, old ox who knew the path. The older ox would keep the younger pulling in the right direction. This is a picture of our walk with Christ. When we say yes to His yoke, he walks with us at just the right pace and teaches us to walk with Him. Sometimes we try to pull away to the right or left, but he pulls us along with Him. All the time, He is there, pulling with us and patiently teaching us to walk as He does. He is MIGHTY, but He is gentle as well.
This picture stuck with me throughout the week. Right now, I think I am walking with Elohim through a time of learning to be vulnerable and honest. I'm very good at being OK, even if I'm actually unsettled or upset. God is prompting me to own these feelings and share them with Him and my brothers and sisters. I'm seeing how humbly excepting the listening ear and open heart of others is a way of receiving His love and care. Sometimes I sit down and He has to drag me along, but He is faithful and strong to bring me more into step with Him!
Dear brothers and sisters, thank you for your prayers! I would appreciate prayers for an outpouring of God's love on us for those we are serving. We've been at our sites for six weeks now, and it's still great, but much of the excitement has worn off. Pray that we would be refilled by Him =) As always, please let me know how I can be in prayer for you. I have been so uplifted by your encouragement and want to hold you up as well!