From left to right, some of the people we love from Hope Faith: Bryan (staff pastor), Donna (office assistant), Jim (IT guy and our boss), me, in front Andre (head of security and client services), Dwight (in charge of the warehouse), Sean, Jodie, and Doug (construction)
Yesterday was an important day down here -- a day of endings. We began the morning with a five mile run, the last of our running challenges for the summer. We had to start at 5:30, before even the sun was awake, in order to finish and get to service without being too terribly late. The run started at our house and included a beautiful three mile loop on a bike trail through the woods. Patsy and I ran together and had a great time enjoying the beauty of the morning together. And we were super pumped to say that we did the whole 5 miles without walking!
After running we headed back to shower and get ready for our lasts days at our service sites. It was hard to know how to feel -- sad that we're leaving, or glad for the experience? My internal confusion was evident in my very absent-minded driving that morning. Thankfully, Jodie was in front and kept us from any major accidents.
Our last day at Hope Faith was definitely blessed. We took time to take a bunch of pictures with the people we had become close to and still had plenty of time to help out with a volunteer group and work in the warehouse. The end of the morning was very special for us. Jim, our boss, had us bring our trays into the conference room where some the people we worked with and connected with the most were waiting. Jim, Jesse, Dwight, Doug, Dre, Bryan, Donna, and Desire are SO busy, that just to see them all make time together with us a priority was very humbling. We shared stories for our summer and they shared what they loved about us and would miss. Our hearts were full by the end of our time there, to say the least.
Despite the blessed morning, as the afternoon went on I became more and more internally restless -- I had felt that way off and on the past couple days and didn't really want to sit down and figure out why, so I continued to put it off. That feeling carried into today until I knew I couldn't run from whatever was bothering me anymore. I went on a walk with God and realized that I was angry -- angry that I had to get so close to the other interns and then leave them. I'm the only non-Central student, and it felt really sucky to have to leave. It was good to realize this -- that even though I knew in my head that God has good plans for me and will provide what I need when I go back to Dordt, I still felt those emotions of sadness and anger in my heart. I felt prompted to take Sean up on his offer to walk and talk with me, even though I didn't know that he could really help. He and Jodie both walked with me and just listened as I expressed my frustration and my confusion about what to do about it. Jodie and I ended up sitting together on the sidewalk for awhile while I just cried and cried. Afterward, I was still sad, but I was SO comforted by the presence of a sister who was okay with my mess and my emotion. I felt so invited to just be -- whatever that meant at the time.
As the internship comes to the close, I am blessed. Blessed by the beautiful relationships I have built at Hope Faith and with the other interns, and blessed by the knowledge that these gifts are from God. He knows me, deeply. He knew that I needed to mourn the passing of this short season of my life, and He provided members of His body to invite me into that and to sit with me through it. Brothers and sisters, God is okay with your mess, and sometimes He asks you to share it and let others help you deal with it. Learning this has been one of a few hard and richly rewarding lessons of my summer in KC.
Also, an update on one of the prayer requests I posted last time. Our friend Doug, who was in charge of construction at Hope Faith and had recently been delivered from alcoholism, did have a relapse last week. We saw him drunk last Thursday, and that was a very hard day for Sean, Jodie, and I. We spent most of it crying and lifting Doug up in prayer. I've never before seen darkness like the darkness that gripped Doug that day -- a darkness that could pull a man away from his peace in Christ and drag him to a pit of despair. We tried to give him up to God, knowing that only Christ could be a light in that darkness. The whole situation showed me the power of Christ in a new way, to think that Christ could conquer that demon of alcohol.
And praise Jesus, we saw Doug again on Monday, sober and working once again! He wasn't quite his normal self, but obviously Jesus had delivered him once again. We got to work with Doug the rest of the week and praise God for his continued journey into recovery. Thank you, brothers and sisters, for lifting him up in prayer with us! It really is true: “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand." Amen!
Tomorrow afternoon we'll leave for an Ascent family vacation at the Lake of the Ozarks. Our planned backpacking trip to Colorado had to be cancelled because of the burn ban there. We return on Wednesday night and will spend the rest of our time talking about transitioning back to our normal family and college life. Prayers for this upcoming time of bonding at the lake and then transitioning out of the internship would be wonderful. Thank you! I've been blessed by your constant support. He is good!
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